#118: The Love-Hate Relationship We Have with Our Bodies (And What Helped Me Change It)

This episode is a little more personal.

I’m talking about something so many of us carry quietly: the complicated relationship we’ve had with our bodies for decades. From pinching belly fat as a teen to being picked last in PE to trying to “fix” the things we don’t like… it’s a journey so many midlife women know all too well.

In this episode, I’m sharing my own story - how sports and strength training helped me shift from hating parts of my body to actually loving what it could do. Not just in the gym, but in everyday life. And why that shift matters more than ever now, as we age.

This is about more than aesthetics. It’s about seeing our bodies not as a problem to fix, but as a partner in the life we want to keep living - fully and actively - for decades to come.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated with your body but also proud of what it’s capable of, this one’s for you.

Transcript

#118: The Love-Hate Relationship We Have with Our Bodies (And What Helped Me Change It)


[00:00:00] Welcome to the show. I'm Lynn Sederlöf-Airisto and I'm a menopause fitness coach, today, I wanted to take a little bit of a different angle. One that is not so much about how to exercise, but maybe why to exercise. And it comes from the fact that I've been thinking back over my life and the exercise that I've done and dieting and what I've come to realize is that throughout my whole life, I've had a bit of a love hate relationship with my body. Now, when I look back on my life at pictures of myself, I have never been, I. Somebody who's been obese or ugly or unattractive, anything like that, and yet, yet, somehow I have managed to put some kind of expectations on myself and fallen short of [00:01:00] them 
my whole life. my waist was always kind of my thing. I gained weight immediately on my belly my whole life. Even before menopause. That was where I would gain weight. And I was always watching my tummy, you know, I was kind of obsessed with, oh, how much can I pinch? There's a little bit of extra, all this kind of thing.
And I didn't like that about my body and I wanted to control that about my body and, and then the. One thing that I couldn't control that I really hated about my body and that I got teased about and made fun of about was how pale I am now. I'm from Finland, which is a northern country in Europe, and you know, it's a land where there are a lot of blondes and where you know, the Native fins.
Now, there are a lot of people from other countries that have [00:02:00] moved here and they've intermarried and had children and everything, but back when, let's say my parents were living here growing up, it was predominantly white people and pale white people. But even among the fins, most. Them tan, like if they're exposed to sun, their skin will tan.
Not me. I'm one of these people who does not tan and I had very, very white hair growing up and this was back before people were dying their hair regularly. So I kind of stuck out like a sore thumb, you know, just visually, if you looked on the street in Washington, DC uh, you know, there I was sticking out because of my white hair and pale skin. And so I got made fun of a lot as being an albino and.
And I always hated the color of my [00:03:00] skin. I would try to tan and I couldn't tan, and back then there weren't no self tanner and I like wouldn't wear shorts or anything, you know, where my legs were exposed because oh my God, white legs is like the worst, right? So, so, so there were these things that I just couldn't control about my body and why I didn't like them.
But I'll tell you that. Something that really saved me was the fact that I started doing sports and I was not an athlete. When I was little. I danced ballet from about age four till about 1415. So yes, I was coordinated. You know, I mean, you can't take ballet lessons for that long and not be coordinated.
But, you know, I was the kid who was picked absolutely last in all the PE classes, you know, when they would pick two kids and, and you know, they would choose the teams. I knew I'm, I'm gonna be the last one [00:04:00] picked, but we had to do PE classes and I did PE classes and then I don't know what happened, but in eighth grade, I, I started playing field hockey and lacrosse. I mean, they were just in PE class. And over the summer I went to a field hockey and lacrosse camp called camp Merestead. I don't know if any of you grew up in the States and played field hockey in lacrosse. It may be that you were at that camp as well. Um, anyway, I came back from that for my freshman year in high school and I don't know what changed, but I was suddenly an athlete and I was.
Chosen for the team for field hockey that fall, and halfway through the season was raised up to the varsity team, and so suddenly I went from being this non-athletic loser who got picked last on the team to being. One of the only two freshmen on the varsity team. And, uh, and my whole identity [00:05:00] changed.
And I have to say that my pale body wearing those field hockey and lacrosse kilts, uh, for on game day, we wore them all day at school so everybody would know that there's a game gonna happen. So I was exposing those pale legs that I hated so much, all day at school. But. But when I had my uniform on my hockey uniform or my lacrosse uniform, then in the spring it changed it for me because it was a sign that I was like an athlete that I was on the team that I was good at.
And I actually was very good. I was MVP for my lacrosse team on my senior year and, um. Yeah, so, so it's been this, uh, this kind of love hate relationship with my body and the sports has been the love part, right? Because my body, I could do [00:06:00] things with it starting at about age 15 or whatever I was in, in ninth grade.
I started to realize that I could do things with my body, and I was really good at doing things with my body. I could run faster than other team members. I was playing center of the field, so I was like sprinting up and down the field. I was a good player in general. I also did the horseback riding, and I was good at that.
And then I went on to play in college, uh, lacrosse at Dartmouth College. So I was a division one, team there. And our coach was actually the US squad's coach, so, so coached by extremely good coaches. But what, I guess my point here is that. The fact that my body could do something made me love my body, despite the fact that I was very [00:07:00] critical of its appearance, and I still am.
I mean, I'm. I'm gonna be, you know, transparent about that. I still hate it if I gain a little bit of extra weight. I'm currently feeling a bit crap about the fact that I have maybe two pounds more than I would like to be carrying. But at the same time, every time I go into the gym and I lift weights and I see what my body can do, or I, I, I pick up the weights.
I can, I can lift them and I see the progress. As I'm lifting heavier weights or being able to do more reps, or this past weekend when we changed the car tires, so my boyfriend does the tire changing part and my tires are, stored in a little shed in my backyard and it's like a little uphill walk from the shed to where we changed the car tires.
And of course the first time we did this, he [00:08:00] was like, no, no, no. He'll carry their tires. And I was like, no, no, no. I, I go to the weight room for a reason. So I'm carrying these tires and they're not small tires 'cause I have an SUV. So they're fairly heavy and, I've noticed that each time we do the tire change, they're just easier to pick up and I love that.
And I love that I can carry in all the groceries and I love that my body can do things. It makes me feel good about my body, even though I still have, and I think I will never get rid of that requirement for perfection. I wanna look like Paulina Poco, right? I wanna be so slender, long tan, beautiful. Like she.
Is she still is. She's in her fifties, 50 something [00:09:00] anyway, and uh, she was the woman that whose posters were on my wall. Kristy Brinkley, all the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models of that time. But um, yeah, and there are other things that I do like. Life is enjoyable through one's physical self. I'm somebody who's always been a cuddler, so to me, physical closeness is a huge source of joy.
Physical intimacy is a huge source of, of joy and, energy for me, as well. And as I. Get older, and I am afraid of getting old. I think I've talked about this on the podcast before. I'm watching my parents decline, and I know I don't want that in my future. I don't wanna be raising my sofa, so that I can get off it more easily.
 I want to [00:10:00] stay strong and so. I feel like my relationship with my body is really changing at this point, and, and I, I hear it also in the women that I coach and the women in my program. I've been interviewing some of them, and then when I've held these live masterclasses and workshops, I've been able to talk to them and.
You know, whereas yes, on, on the one hand, we want to look good, right? I think, I think a lot of us do, and I still do. I wanna look good. I want, I want my clothes to fit. I don't wanna have that extra bulge, but the relationship is somehow becoming deeper or, or there is a bigger why to why I exercise.
And it is. About not just getting my body under control and, and so that, you know, I lose a few pounds or, or that I'm firmer or whatever. It's also about, [00:11:00] this is my one vessel and my whole life. My whole rest of my life, I only have this one vessel and I wanna treat it in a way that it will serve me all the way till the end.
And of course, we don't know how long we have. I was made very aware of that. Again, over Easter weekend as, , somebody that I know who's. Close to, my son, who's my age, actually a little bit younger than me, died in a very tragic sudden death, fell down some stairs and hit her head and, and was brain dead.
I mean, that was it. And you know, you can't help but think that. Two minutes before when she was starting down those stairs, there was not a single thought of hers that that might be it. Like it might end right there. So we, we never know when it's gonna [00:12:00] end, but at the same time, it might go until 102. So I want to balance the keeping my body.
Working, functioning very, very well and treating it well with also remembering to enjoy life at the same time.
I think women in their fifties to some degree, were just finding ourselves. We don't feel like it's the end. And because of that, we also don't want our bodies to make us feel like it's the end. We know mentally and emotionally and energy wise that there is still a lot of life left in us, and the trick is.
To keep our bodies working so that we can live that life that we want to live going forward. And weight training is a very. Excellent way is probably the best [00:13:00] way to help your body stay fit and functional so that you can live the life that you wanna live. And it's one of the reasons why I am so passionate about advocating for it and making it easy for women to get started and to continue on their journey.
Forever, right? I mean, I had one woman who reached out to me this week and she's like, I'm looking for a program that I can continue for the next 10 years so that my body can stay in good shape and I can continue to get stronger and stay strong over. Decades. And I said, well, you have found the right place for that.
And I'm really excited to help women on that journey. 
So. Yes. I hope that you too have found peace with your body if you have been super critical of it. I don't think we ever get rid [00:14:00] of those images of the supermodels and the messages that we've gotten for so very, very long that we need to be smaller.
And I do believe in the power of. Exercise and doing things with your body that you enjoy, right? Not just. Punishing your body because you're too big, you know? But finding joy in moving your body so that you can have a little bit of a different relationship with your body and hopefully you can find movement that will make you feel empowered and amazing in your body.
And I hope that weight training might be one of them. Yoga and all those other things. Anything that you like. Of course. I love to dance. I love yoga. And there are other things besides weight training, but I do think that weight training will help you keep your body in the kind of shape that you want to be in going forward.
Alright, so those were my thoughts for this week. [00:15:00] Let me know what you think. I would love to hear from you in my dms on Instagram and the link is in the show notes till next week. Wishing you happy training.